Sexual addiction is very complex. As a spouse of a sex addict, it is imperative that you understand your role in the recovery process. It is normal to minimize the disconnection you are feeling in your marriage. Obviously, there are relational attachment styles that promote unfounded and unrealistic jealousy patterns, but when there are apparent signs of deviant sexual behavior, it usually indicates a problem.

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Here are 7 helpful things every spouse should know about sex addiction.
From the first time she masturbated in the bathtub at age 12 and felt the wave of shame that accompanied her first orgasm, Erica Garza, 35, knew her relationship with sex was different from other people's. She also knew it wasn't something she could talk about with anyone else. And so throughout the rest of her childhood, teenage years, and twenties, Garza quietly struggled with what she later realized was an addiction to sex and porn. Garza's first book, Getting Off , is a memoir of a lifelong addiction to sex, written both as an exploration of Garza's own past and as a way to relate to readers who are dealing with something similar. Her story has no tidy beginning or ending because it's still happening. But in publishing her experience for others to read, Garza hopes to create space for more addicts — particularly women — to talk about their own unhealthy relationships with sex and porn. I used writing the book as a tool to understand my addiction and my sexuality. I went back into my memories with curiosity, to see if maybe I could find a reason why it started.
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Having a string of partners and watching hours of porn isn't necessarily the way to achieve sexual liberation. While many people are empowered by owning their own sexuality in this way, for some, it can mean the exact opposite. Rather than enjoyment and affection, sex can be intertwined with shame and used as a weapon on the path to self destruction. For Erica Garza, life was about pursuing romantic partners, watching porn, and putting herself in potentially dangerous situations, all for the sexual release that helped her forget about everything else she was trying to ignore.
Early on in a relationship, the sex is new and exciting and awesome. And you want it. You want it when you want it, and damn the consequences. We only dated for a few months before we got married, so basically I was still in sex-addict mode myself when I promised to love him until I died. My ex-husband truly believed he owned my body and that I was in the wrong if I ever denied him access. He told me that he was being respectful by only wanting it daily, because he thought three times a day or more would be a good amount, but even he realized that was a bit much to ask of a wife. He was being really respectful of me! He turned to porn. The porn further warped his sexual expectations, and his bitterness at my continued reluctance to be physically intimate with him more than three or four times a week grew.